Naruto You Crazy Little Alien!
by root123
Summary: Naruto in a world wihtout babies to grow up to become giant fishticks. what has the world come to? yes, wihtout
1. The beginning of my pants

"Holy bananas batman!" Naruto yelled at his auntie beluga. "How many of them there that there them aliens can you stuff into an apple pie?" he asked her. "Seven" was her reply. All of a sudden she spontaneously combusted and started singing. "I think I'm crazy! I think you're crazy! I think we're crazy!" "Probably!" Naruto announced and then proceeded to throw a shuriken which hit her right in the eye. She dropped dead and ate an apple. Naruto looked at his dead grandmother and sighed. He was on his own from now on.


	2. Where the Man is made

Naruto approached the bridge where he had fought that one guy in a mask. "What was that guy's name?" Naruto asked himself. "Run you moomba!" said a familiar voice. Naruto turned around to see Sasuke running at him at full speed. "But I had a green baby in my backpack and it dropped of the edge of the mountain!" Naruto screamed at the dark haired boy. "What the hell is wrong with you Naruto?" he asked, obviously concerned. "I just passed your house and your grandmother was dead, she had a shuriken in her eye, not to mention that everyone seems to be going insane." "Well I never!" Naruto yelled back, "I killed her good and dead and she seems to be just walking around with that man that I told her was too good for her and then she comes back and eats a damn cheese cake. I mean it's my llama in the first place but noooo, she just has to take and take and take until I can't drink anymore running juice." Sasuke stood there bewildered; he was being chased by the deadly Zabuza but couldn't pull himself away from this crazy little blonde boy. Zabuza jumped from the mysterious mist and landed on Naruto, then began making out with him. "Oh Naruto, you remind me of that one giraffe from the zoo who ate slept in a tree made of lipstick." Zabuza whispered loudly before jumping back into the mist. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!" WSasuke screamed at the top of his lungs.


	3. Fishticks?

"Well WSasuke." Naruto said to Sasuke. "I kicked a bucket and the ensuing explosion cost me my eyesight." "Who the hell is WSasuke?!?!" Sasuke yelled at Naruto. "That would be I." A mysterious figure detached itself from the shadow and took a bite from a ghostly mysterious apple while mysteriously picking his enigmatic nose. "Well you see Wsasuke was here and so I ran up to that pineapple and asked directions to my homerun base plate but he was mean to me and told me to go eat a pipe so I ripped off his arms and catapulted all eight of her babies into the your garage door." Sasuke stood, stunned, as he realized the explanation to all the insanity that was unfolding before him. "Bobby hung himself from his cell in the tombs!" WSasuke chimed in helpfully. "Wow I really cared." Sasuke shot back. "Hey gang." Sakura screamed at the top of her lungs while using the little baby legs on her head to catch up to the story already in progress. "I know what the answer to all of this is!" Sasuke announced triumphantly. "It's-" He was cut off by a horrible gurgling noise as a moose flung itself at his feet and began to dance. "Hahaha bless your soul." Naruto said just before he slit the poor moose's wrists. In a British accent the moose responded before it perished, "My revenge shall be swift and painful gents. Now if you would be so kind as to not struggle as my avengers come to take your life that would be grand." And with that the moose died. "I had a pet like that once." WSasuke announced to himself. "Why is it that the only one that has made any sense so far IS THE MOOSE!!!?" Sasuke yelled into the surrounding fog. "Well Sasuke, if you must know," came the reply from the mist, "He was educated in a very good school in Holland." "And who might you be?" Sasuke asked to the new voice. "I am the ghost of mother Teresa!" And suddenly a large figure wearing a white sheet erupted from the fog!


	4. Revenge of The Moooooose!

Now we must take a step back from our delightful little tale to bring you some shocking news from one of the family members of the moose who has so sadly and recently died.

"Ahem, may I please have your undivided attention please." The moose was speaking from a podium in front of what appeared to be a very big crowd in an extremely large auditorium. "If I give it to you will you pay me?" yelled a random voice from the audience. "Yo mutha expletive deleted I will expletive deleted you up! You get what the expletive deleted I'm sayin expletive deleted ?" the room fell silent once again. "Now as I was saying, Mister Root123 does not own any of these worthless characters, nor would he want to because of how worthless they are. He also wants to state that he hopes everybody understands sarcasm and is listening to classical music right now, seeing as how it roxxorz my soxxorz." Secretly however the moose was cursing Mister Root123 for using the term "roxxorz my soxxorz" and vowed to one day kill that fool. He looked around at the audience and noticed a young boy approaching him from the wings of the stage. The boy whispered a few things to the moose and the moose immediately cleared a path through the crowd via his very large horns.

Now we return to our story, already in progress. "Kakashi what are you doing wearing that sheet over your head?" Sasuke inquired. _Oh no! _Kakashi thought, _He has seen through my ghost jutsu._ "Kakashi threw the sheet off of his head and threw a shuriken at WSasuke all in one swift motion. "Ah!" WSasuke screamed at the shuriken and it started to cry. "Why would you scream at me?" the little piece of metal asked. "I was just doing what that guy over there wanted me to!" With that the little throwing star flew away into the night. "What the hell?" Sasuke said, "When did it become night time?" "Duh Sasuke, it was night yesterday you football!" Naruto screamed as he launched himself at Sasuke, "And if you didn't know that then you must not be Sasuke! Huzzah I'm not stupid!" But Naruto was wrong, it was Sasuke, and Kakashi had to stop Naruto from beating the other kid senseless, or he could sit back and watch, it might be funny. So Kakashi pulled out a bottle of Sunny D and some popcorn out of his eye and began to much on it. "No Naruto you little freakish bat!" Yelled Sakura. She jumped in front of him and bit his shirt clean off. "Sakura…" Naruto stared at Sakura; with that shirt in her teeth she looked almost feral. "I never knew you were such a friendly ghost…" With tears in his eyes he ran to her and gave her a hug. She returned his love with a swift kick to the groin. "Now eat on that! How did you like them bananas? Was I too much for them? Ya I always knew I was an awesome peacock but I just never figured out why, until now!" She triumphantly raised her fist to celebrate when WSasuke shoved her into a burlap sack and ran into the mist with her. Kakashi quickly dispelled the mist and everyone was witness to the horrible thing WSasuke was doing with the sack made of burlap.


	5. The truth is almost revealed

As WSasuke became aware of the numerous amount of eyes upon him the scene in his mind's eye shifted. He was a matador in the bull pen! An actor on Broadway! A Big Mac in a McDonald's commercial centered around Big Macs! And with this realization came the presence of stage fright. However, WSasuke was no stranger to uncertainty and trepidation; his mother was an alcoholic, but, unlike most heavy drinkers she wasn't a happy drunk or a mean drunk, she was a directorous drunk. He was constantly forced to act in her drunken fantasies, and when the script is written by the person who buys your food you read it even in front of a very large crowd when you were such a young boy. And I mean it's not like your father helps either, he's too interested in his work so he can "escape" the situation at home. If he really cared then he would have gone to family therapy like his few friends had suggested. But oh no, therapy was a thing for women and gays, he could never accept himself if he attended a "remedial healing session," as his drunkard wife had put it. Unfortunately that left his son to be raised by the only woman who could have possibly been the best salsa dancer in the world if not for her damnable metal liver. It always clanked and clunked so no one could hear the music in the back, and the music is what makes the dance! And yes, WSasuke felt like that at this moment, as if he had a metal liver and it was attracting the attention of every salsa dancer who ever danced on hot salsa, and not the pansy "just-for-the-taste" salsa, but the hot stuff that you can't eat unless you have built yourself up to that level.

There lay the burlap sack. Limp and lifeless and where was Sakura? Gone. The magician had done it again! He had spirited away her beautiful long leg hair to a place where it would not ever be hurt again. And when everyone was expecting the scene to be winding down, a golem of the rock persuasion grabbed WSasuke and flew away into the sunset.


End file.
